1. Your preferred pet is:
A. A golden retriever or lovable mutt
B. Whichever breed of dog is fashionable this year. Next year, you'll dump it at the shelter and get the breed that's fashionable then.
C. A cat. Any cat. Maybe one of those weird-looking breeds from another continent.
D. A rodent or reptile.
E. Small animals are merely creatures over which I can demonstrate my power.
2. Your preferred henchperson is:
A. An enthusiastic, loyal young person whom I can mentor and protect
B. Someone who continually screws up to make me look smarter
C. Good at kickboxing, and hot-looking in black leather.
D. Something I mutated myself.
E. Weaker human beings are merely creatures over which I can demonstrate my power.
3. Favorite book:
A. The Bible
B. The Bible, because I can get it for free in motel rooms.
C. Dark Rivers of the Heart, by Dean Koontz
D. The Case of Charles Dexter Ward, by H. P. Lovecraft
E. The Oxford English Dictionary, unabridged. I like to drop it on people.
4. It's dinnertime:
A. Did somebody say McDonald's?
B. You know that expensive Italian place? Pretend to be a client, and I'll let the company pay for it.
C. You know that expensive Italian place? Well, the owner owes my buddy Fat Tony some favors....
D. Jolt cola and sushi: two great tastes that taste great together.
E. I don't eat dinner. I snack all day on the candy I steal from small children. And their livers.
5. I would most like to take over:
A. The school board, and get rid of that dreadful sex ed program.
B. Microsoft. Or Anna Nicole Smith.
C. The United States.
D. The world! Mwahahahahahaha.
E. Why take it over? Blow it up!
Scoring:
Mostly A's: Go home, Captain America
Mostly B's: You might just qualify as a villain in a Sinclair Lewis novel. But don't feel bad. Most of the real evil in the world results from people like you.
Mostly C's: You're getting there. Try Batman: The Animated Series
Mostly D's: Yep, you're a villain.
Mostly E's: You think you're a villain, but you're merely a whack job. Take your medication and try again.