The squirrels are after me. I've been aware of this for some time now - and, as you'll see if you peruse my Log of Nefarious Squirrel Activity, it's becoming ever more blatant.
Why are the squirrels after me? Because I, daringly, with more regard for The Truth than personal safety, revealed their horrendous scheme to take over the world in my classic short story, "The Squirrels are Not What They Seem". The squirrels pulled strings in the publishing industry to prevent this story from seeing the light of day, but not content with this rapine committed upon my First Amendment rights, they now threaten my life, liberty, and pursuit of happiness as well. I have no hope left except to bring my evidence before as many clear-headed, non-squirrel-enslaved citizens as may be left in this great nation.