My Association With Lulu White/Madison Toth/Lyon/Rebecca Kramer Part Two.

Two to three years went by that I did not have any direct or voluntary contact with "Mad" and the group (with the exception of the following incidents: one in which she visited my place of work, after being expressly told not to, in which I refused to speak to her; a random encounter on the street in Greenwich Village in which I also refused to speak to her, she was accompanied by Mr. Toth at the time; and a chance run-in at the metaphysical supply store "Enchantments" in which she did her best to get my attention by being extremely familiar with an unnamed blond man, which I laughed off), and I didn't think a great deal about them in any context after a while, though I did bear some of the scars of our association. (This is, I believe also the time in which she began billing herself as "The Gris-Gris Lady" on Usenet, soliciting monetary donations for her "readings"--for which she was soundly rebuffed--and what remained of the group underwent a couple of incarnations as "The Mahogany Hall Altar Circle" and "The US Collective".)

Direct contact came some time later through a phone call in which she claimed to be having a 'problem' with a mutual acquaintance. She had yet to shed the affected mantle of 'magickal guardian' and claimed to me that this person had been working some 'baneful magick' out of our home that was likely to draw some negative attention to us. As the person in question *had* been visiting at the time, but had not undertaken anything negative that I had known of, I politely assured her that she had nothing to worry about, and informed her (again) that though I had no desire to engage in any further hostilities with her and her group, I had no desire for any further association either, and encouraged her to refrain from contacting me again. (To this day I don't know how she acquired my phone number; as it is, I don't think it would have been that hard as I was still in contact with some mutual acquaintances. It did display a certain tenacity on her part as I had definitely encouraged others to not share any contact information with "Mad" or members of her group. In retrospect it could well be foreshadowing of the harassment that I receive to this day.)

Nothing more was heard until several months later at which time in another phone call she informed me that her "half-brother" had been killed, that she was emotionally devastated by his death, and pleaded with me to attend the service as this event had caused her to seriously rethink much of her preceding actions, and wished to make amends. (Up until that point I had been seriously skeptical that the brother had even existed, but at the time I reasonably figured that an actual funeral service should put an end to my doubts. I'm sure that he was yet another fabricated character now; why is clarified a little further on.)

We both had major misgivings about any contact with her and/or the group, Jayme especially--he had been the target of a good deal of their slander and abuse, especially toward the end of our association--but we also remained moved by a certain amount of curiosity. If nothing else we thought it would be interesting to see what time had wrought, and the concept that "Mad" was now a married woman with a child was intriguing in light of previous events. Jayme only agreed to allow me to attend the service and speak to her if he would be allowed to accompany; surprisingly enough there was little Resistance to this, and it was agreed upon.

To all appearances she had indeed made major and positive changes in her life as she was now married, with a child, and with the attendant responsibilities of home, husband and family. She additionally proclaimed herself to be 'retired' from her more outlandish magickal activities and indeed the 'warring groups' therein. (Later, she would claim that she had allegedly shot 'Alaric Black' to death with a handgun in some kind of retaliation/assassination, as he had betrayed their organization, and to have been 'made to forget' the painful experience by metaphysical means. A convenient breach of that alleged 'post hypnotic suggestion' came about later on in order to reveal this information to maximum pathos effect. The whole situation can I believe be considered wholly fraudulent.) As I regarded that as a combination of disturbed people and crazy goings-on, I was glad for her, especially as she had a family. She also at this time alluded to her deeper involvement with Voudon.

It is interesting to note that none of us ever made it to any actual funeral service, as "Mad" claimed to be too overwrought to be able to view her brother in a coffin (at the time a somewhat reasonable claim; she did display a convincing amount of tears and hysterics), though she claimed that her husband had indeed gone ahead to attend. As I never spoke to him on the subject ("Mad" consistently portrayed Mr. Toth as sullen, intractable, and hateful of all his wife's acquaintances of a metaphysical nature or history, due to his distaste for her old activities)--I now believe this event to have been either entirely fiction or actually may have been an allusion to the funeral service of her estranged father.

"Mad" was careful to almost entirely control Mr. Toth's interaction with other people (as she would later attempt to do with me on many occasions) and portray him as unapproachable; though there was some truth in this, as he was indeed a taciturn individual, further on I believe that I can show that he is another casualty of "Mad's" M.O. of division and control.

There is further evidence of this in a later conversation between herself and I that very day, in which she made a consistent point that Jayme and I were not desired at the event by others in attendance (notably Mr. Frater and Mr. Toth) because they believed that we were potentially dangerous to her, and that we were welcome only upon her insistence, though she felt confident that 'they would come around in time'. As I and Jayme had had near to no contact with her, and any contact we had had had been either at her insistence or by chance, I found the statement overly dramatic then and now, though I did not immediately connect it to potential tales that she must have been spinning about us, to them, in our absence, which also goes to pattern; I chalked it up, frankly, to the testosterone-induced behavior that I had watched Mr. Frater and Mr. Toth display so consistently on her behalf in the past.

Also of note is that I also have no proof whatsoever that the statements were true--another part of her pattern is to completely distort exchanges between others to support her arguments, and in many cases, completely fabricate exchanges for same. It would seem to be in line with the paranoia that she deliberately generates amongst her group, however, which I hope to make the pattern of clearer as I go along.

The motif of herself as 'accepting forgiver'--regardless of whether or not there was any actual wrongdoing on the part of the 'forgiven', and especially in the case of when she liked to portray herself as the only person on the criticized's side--was one that she would use extensively over the second part of our association.

Initially "Mad" attempted to draw both myself and Jayme back into her company, and metaphysical activities, which, though she claimed to be 'retired' from such things, seemed to be as plentiful (and frequently improbable, though somewhat improved in far-fetchedness) as ever. They were initially much more geared toward more commonplace "Guardian" activities at first, and many seemed innocuous enough--aid in the clearing of someone's home, some basic "uncrossings", and many what could be called 'community-oriented' workings.

The show of "having turned over a new leaf" was initially convincing. I was unaware of what was going on 'behind the scenes' simultaneously, which included the harassment campaign against Kevin Filan, Clifford Low, Mambo Racine, a girl going by the Pagan name of "Misty Pendragon" and other public detractors. Whatever information I received on those situations came through her and Mr. Frater. I was by and large unimpressed and unconcerned about what seemed to be a rather extensive and pointless argument between those involved, and only took a position and became concerned when it was conveyed to me (fraudulently) that actual physical threats had taken place. (Later it would be revealed that "Mad", Mr. Frater, and others had engaged in a number of blatantly fraudulent activities in this case, amongst them the impersonation of several law enforcement officials in order to strong-arm the staff of Panix, whose service was being used by several of those mentioned, to reveal information about several of their users who they claimed were involved in the self- manufactured 'threat campaign' against "Mad"'s daughter.

These letters would later be proven to be poorly-self-generated forgeries and had originated on her own computer through examination of the mangled headers. (Mr. Filan would also receive several blatantly threatening letters and guest book notes from them as well, and the excuse that someone had acquired their passwords and forged these letters and notes was given.) ) A great show was made of contacting law enforcement and pursuing the matter was made, but nothing seemed to come of it in the long run.

(These instances illustrate several points of note, amongst them the possible willingness to commit outright fraud; a willingness to threaten a detractor with physical harm directly; and a willingness to use her own children as tools and/or justifications in the commission of these acts. )

I remained unaware of the truth behind these allegations, and became as one would expect incensed at such a thing, and volunteered to help in capacities needed. She made claims that she had run afoul of the on line Afro-Caribbean, Voudon, and general NeoPagan communities for 'encouraging unorthodox practices'; again, the only information that I saw on these subjects was what she permitted me to see, and as I at the time had no access, nor the desire, for a computer, I was unaware of the whole of the circumstances which surrounded these events. As I had myself encountered a certain amount of 'canon xenophobia' in the NeoPagan community I did not see this as outside the realms of possibility, but I also did not take it as seriously as they would have liked as it was, by and large (and with the exception of the fraudulent allegations against Mr. Filan), a war of words and opinions.

(It was also during this time that at least twice Mad/Jon forged my name on emails that supported their position. I was unaware of this until later.)

"Mad" and Mr. Toth seemed to have what would generally be termed as a 'stormy' relationship but there was initially no indication that there was any more serious conflict than would be found in that context. She held several 'circles', gatherings at her home which seemed self-affirming and positive (though they were later found out to be poorly-cobbled and highly inaccurate and inappropriate pastiches of various traditions, I don't believe that they were by and large actively harmful--there is some debate on this), and the quality of people who initially came to those circles was markedly different than those of the past. (The improved quality of people would slowly but surely drift away after a short period of time.) Though a couple of the 'old regulars' remained they too seemed to have changed for the better enough to be safe around. These were the times of the "US" group which did a better job than previously at appearing safe and sane--at least for a time--and depended largely on the attendees being novices in metaphysical practices for there being a lack of objection to the 'jumbled' way they treated various traditions.

Closer examination revealed that some, if less, of the 'old' harmful dynamics were still in place, though they had become infinitely subtler and difficult to detect. This became most obvious with Jayme's initial participation in the group; he bridled at the presentation of "Mad" as final authority on the effects and goings on of various rituals, and made a point of asking pointed questions that were dismissed as irrelevant or rude. (As Jayme is by nature a confrontational person these were possibly not presented in as civilized a manner as they could have been, and much of his meaning would deliberately become lost in the subsequently over-exaggerated heat.)

Jayme was quickly unconvinced that anything had changed at all (in retrospect I heartily say and sadly admit that I wish I had listened to him) and shortly decided to withdraw from all activities involving "Mad", Mr. Frater, and any of their associates. This did cause a minor schism between himself and I for a while as I decided to give them what I felt was a fair chance as I believed I had seen improvement. (In retrospect I theorize that much of that positive change came from the many safer and saner folks who slowly but surely disassociated themselves from the group when the more obvious craziness began anew.)

Various social skirmishes with sections of the NYC Pagan Community further alienated the reconstructed group from the communities at large; the result being a more isolated group with a definite heavy undertone of "Us Vs.Them" as unification.

"Mad" claimed to be initiated into a sort of "priestess-hood" of the spirit Pomba Gira (for which she was soundly and publicly rebuked by several knowledgeable and legitimately initiated persons), and she and Mr. Frater embarked upon a business venture, the "Pomba Gira Botanica", which garnered additional skepticism from the Voudon and Pagan communities (as she was misappropriating many things simultaneously on this one; Mr. Low's and Mr. Filan's essays on the matter detail this much better than I ever could as I am now as I am now as I was then at best a journeyman, and perhaps not even that, on the subject of Afro-Caribbean and Voudon traditions).

It in the end amounted to an Afro-Caribbean "flavored" New Age/Pagan shop with a slight but noticeable bent toward a surface appreciation of Eastern Spirituality and practices, likely due to Mr. Frater's interest in Japanese pop culture. Mr. Frater almost entirely financed this venture out of his own pocket, though during several circles "Mad" solicited donations toward the business. There were a few people who openly balked at this, even one of the most solid 'regulars' who had been tangentially involved with the core group for many years; as a result that member was pointedly left out of many social and metaphysical gatherings for quite some time. (He is now firmly entrenched in the group and seems to have forgotten or justified this treatment in some way.)

Some of the more bizarre activities began to creep in at this time; "Mad" began to have real trouble with her marriage, and admitted on more than one occasion to having become physically abusive toward him. (This did not surprise me as I had on more than one occasion sustained the limited brunt of physical temper tantrums and acting out.) At one point she disappeared for a couple of days with no contact with anyone whatsoever, driving her family to distraction; she returned with a tale of having been 'kidnapped by the Gabriel Hounds' (by this time they had acquired a name) and alleged to over that period of time having been interrogated and abused. This caused further problems between herself and Mr. Toth, as a condition of their marriage appeared to be that she retire permanently from any such involvement, and a serious rift began to develop between them as he resolved to neither be involved with that particular conflict (which he too at the time at least partially believed in), and to indeed remove himself from any metaphysical or spiritual activities of any kind.

It was at this time that "Mad" first began toying with the concept of "polyamory" as a lifestyle, as she also appeared to be chafing insofar as Mr. Toth demanding a monogamous relationship with her. She claimed to have several brief dalliances with various individuals close to her and confided these in me, conveying herself as distraught and conflicted, frequently turning to and depending upon our renewed friendship for comfort. I was carefully prevailed upon to not attempt discussion of these matters with him even in a parenthetical fashion, "Mad" citing that it would only make these considerable difficulties worse.

She confided in me various problems with the union; that Mr. Toth was tyrannical and overbearing, even dictating the clothing she wore (she had indeed undergone an extensive makeover from New Wave Poser Punk to Renfaire Chic, allegedly exclusively at his behest); that he was insanely jealous 'because of her past', and despised all her male friends as competition; that he was frequently irresponsible and tried to confine her into a traditional marriage that she was not suited to; that he went out of his way to make her feel 'intellectually inferior'; that he was emotionally neglectful; and numerous others. As he was generally taciturn and only polite to visitors, whom she claimed he blamed for bringing the negative metaphysical activities back into her life, his attitudes did not engender much sympathy.

Due to the re-occurrence of these irresponsible behaviors, the store swiftly began to fail as "Mad" and Mr. Frater frequently neglected the store in favor of embarking upon 'magickal quests' to various geographic locations, leaving it closed for days at a time. (These 'quests' were almost always entirely financed by Mr. Frater as well.)

Upon these occasions I saw her frequently lie to Mr. Toth about where she was and what she was doing; she used the 'importance' of these frequent quests, and his lack of sympathy toward them, as an excuse for this. Mr. Toth was frequently, and increasingly, left with the sole care of their daughter, which he also (understandably) began to balk at after a short time.

During this time I was undergoing a continuation of the spiritual re-working that I had begun at the end of my last association and was doing heavy research into Eastern Paths. The real fun began when "Mad" found a way to incorporate those things into her own "mythology".

As Mr. Frater had spent a few years in Japan teaching English, and had had a longtime infatuation with Japanese pop culture, he had returned from his travels with a somewhat more serious interest in Shinto and other Eastern traditions. His core belief system was still however largely influenced/created as a mirror image of "Mad's" 'random-tradition-pastiche', he began incorporating what could only be called 'Shinto-and-Taoist-flavored' elements into his metaphysical practices. I use that description because upon closer examination (which on my part came later) his interpretations of various practices could at best be termed highly individualized, at worst indicative of his 'lay-person's' interaction with the culture. For a while, these adaptations had the surface appearance of authenticity, and it seemed initially to be beneficial to pursue these studies mutually. It did not at the time seem unreasonable to me to gain the insights of someone who had experienced direct contact with a culture.

Their infatuation with improbable scenarios of metaphysical apocalypse soon reared its head; a new (and, not surprisingly, more threatening and powerful) threat surfaced to be battled, this time in the guise of a discorporate being whom "Mad" alleged believed itself to be Lucifer himself, commanding legions of equally discorporate Fallen Angels and lesser minions who began to attack and otherwise metaphysically harass them, and other members of the new group.

Either because such a thing appealed to many of the younger pagans that they made a point of associating with, due to the deep ingraining of Christian upbringing, or because upon closer examination they made associations with people who were less obviously disenfranchised but very lacking in self-esteem, or anything to do with their lives, this idea caught on like frightening wildfire. Because even *they* apparently on some level acknowledged how frankly outlandish their claims sounded--and because they were subtly attempting, in a number of metaphysical and fringe fandom communities (amongst them the Otherkin and Furry/Therian communities), to simultaneously recruit and make these 'beliefs' public in order to do so, they publicly referred to this omnipotently powerful incorporeal as "L" and indeed referred to 'him' as little as humanly possible. Need for secrecy was cited as the reason.

Somewhere during this time the 'botanica' failed completely. One can surmise that Mr. Frater lost a not-inconsiderable amount of money on the venture, having also incurred debts from the business from several members of his family (according to what I was told at the time).

She became pregnant with her second child, a son, who she later claimed to be sired, not by her husband, but by one of her 'associates' whom she had formed a relationship with. (The claims were that this 'associate' was a Native American; it should be noted that her young son possesses absolutely no visible characteristics of being of mixed native blood, and in fact greatly resembles Mr. Toth; make of that what you will.)

The pregnancy was about as difficult as a pregnancy can be as she suffered from pre-eclampsia; Mr. Toth had not desired a second child, and that, plus the danger that the second pregnancy put her in, furthered the rift between them until they were almost constantly at odds.

During the thicker parts, which included extreme late nights and complete neglect of various family duties, Mr. Toth apparently had enough of what he saw as both "Mad's" increasing bouts of marital infidelity and a new infusion of craziness and crazy people, he bowed out of the marriage (though "Mad" will claim that she initiated the end of the union, I believe these statements to be as suspect as any of those regarding any associations with her that end, but that is by and large based on conjecture, limited observation, and speculation).

As "Mad" did not work and had two children, this left her entirely dependent on alimony and frequent monetary imposition on friends, lovers, etc. for various and sundry life necessities for herself and her children This aid was often additionally funneled toward "magical Supplies". She returned to making the claim that these indulgences, which included expensive Pagan and Eastern trinkets and numerous tattoos, were completely necessary for spiritual purposes.

The entire "L" situation frankly made little sense to me then, and less sense to me now, regardless of the public face I maintained with the group. Either through "Me-Too" syndrome, deliberate playacting, or other manifestations of PWS (Psychic Wars Syndrome) there seemed to be a number of people experiencing various levels of metaphysical hairiness, and, as I considered some of them friends or at least acquaintances, I agreed to aid in various things that I could pin down to having some cause. (As I've stated before, "Mad" is remarkably adept at weaving together disparate events with some reasonable basis into an apparently-cohesive whole that serves her paradigm of the moment, I remain convinced that at least some of these events had some merit; even at the time, I had great amounts of skepticism that led to frequent conflict.) Suggestions of some form of peaceful negotiation or interaction between the warring entities were categorically nixed; they were completely malevolent and loyal to their cause. This stereotyped behavior was as it is now to me extremely suspect. I often attributed these insistence upon complete polarization to the zealot-like foolishness of "Mad" and her core group. This ultimately proved to be much more deliberately structured.

In return for the aid I was willing to render in these endeavors, I was promised help in further personal spiritual exploration. (I'm actually not going to go into a good deal of specifics about that here, because, other than the extreme manipulation and emotional blackmail that ensued on this basis, the actual details would likely only serve as a distraction, however interesting, from the point of these essays. Anyone who wishes to contact me as to the details of these areas is welcome to do so at (provide email addy). )

Soon afterward I was informed that agreeing to work with the newly-formed "Tabris" group gave the "group"--allegedly made up of numerous "families" and their "heads" or "leaders" headed by a council made up of said "heads" and a triumvirate of persons at the top, to which "Mad" claimed to only be a "Psychic Adviser"-- complete say and use of any and all "metaphysical resources" that I might have or acquire during my association with them. As I had a small 'group' or 'clan' of my own that gave them inalienable rights to utilize these people any way that they deemed desirable and necessary. On more than one occasion this alleged leverage was used to elicit various actions from people within my group, without my knowledge and/or consent.

When I (virulently!) objected to what I considered unethical and coercive behavior, I was told that I and others had agreed to this part of the "Tabris Charter" during a "council meeting" that had taken place "astrally" (allegedly in the "dreamtime" while I was sleeping).

As I had neither memory of, nor belief in this (and indeed no written form of "Tabris Charter" ever revealed itself during the course of my interaction of the group) I outright refused to accede to any of these laughable demands, and refused them access to any person or materials without my, and their, express beforehand approval. This led to a huge argument in which they were ultimately forced to concede as they had no real way of enforcing this rule, though from time to time "Mad" insisted that there were various 'goings-on' and attacks, etc., in the "Astral Plane" that others frequently had no memory (and hence knowledge) of.

She quickly developed an invisible entourage of additional "spirit helpers" which she interacted with almost constantly, and sometimes to the exclusion of other, corporeal people. On a regular basis she claimed that these 'helpers' would 'fall in love with her' and she would claim to develop sexual relationships with them, going so far as to have a series of 'spirit children' with them (something like twenty at last count). Interaction with these 'helpers' vastly influenced the actions that she compelled her friends, family, and associates to engage in on a regular basis, both metaphysical and non. Not surprisingly, when there was dissension amongst the corporeal members of the group, this group of 'helpers' unilaterally supported her desires. She also went so far as to insist that her interactions with the 'spirit guides' of others within the group also resulted in unilateral agreement with her ideas and ways of doing things, even when those who had their own personal incorporeal relationships received different (and frequently completely diametrically opposed) messages and interactions. When this happened she insisted that this was due to her 'superior psychic ability'. and strongly implied that the others were either mistaken because of lack of 'psychic talent' or deliberately lying to undermine her.

One can see after cursory examination how this could be rampantly abused in the kind of isolative group situations that they insisted on creating and maintaining--and it regularly, and casually, was abused to the fullest extent.>

In 'normal life', "Mad" threw herself into the "polyamory" lifestyle and soon acquired a couple who were also Pagan by belief. I don't believe that it was any mistake that they were extremely well off, and she frequently imposed upon them for various financial and material articles, pleading financial destitution and an inability to work due to the need to provide care for her children. When the couple did their best to acquire paid work for her as a housemaid to themselves and friends, she soon after lost these jobs due to neglect of duties and frequent absences.

Additionally the state of her home and her children began a steady and noticeable decline, despite her claims of lavish praise for her work, child-rearing, house-keeping, and cooking. In the face of the obvious evidence of my own eyes the extreme cognitive dissonance and the significance of it were not lost on me or others.

She leaned on me, what appeared to be almost entirely at times, for her emotional support. Her pleas for help and healthy companionship in the wake of her ruined marriage were compelling, and I found myself becoming involved with her again (with Jayme's permission as we too are polyamorous), though I was wary of what she claimed to be a veritable plethora of lovers. (I know from at least one account that one of these 'relationships' were entirely fabricated.) This 'plethora', which was sometimes real and sometimes invented was carefully played against each other for her affections. The married couple became especial victims of this. She even played them, frequently, against one another.

Over time she insisted upon blurring the lines between our personal and spiritual life, and claimed to have several non corporeal 'spirit lovers' whom she required to be channeled to interact with in an emotionally gratifying fashion; she was very convincing in her desire to have contact with them and convinced me to occasionally channel them. (I have some fairly meager and unschooled talent in this area.) This soon broadened out to being tapped to channel them in order for her to engage in sexual activities. Her initial attitude toward this was conciliatory and compelling; as long as this did not become a regular and frequent occurrence I was initially acquiescent to it insofar as her expressing what initially seemed to be a sincere and honest desire to interact with beings that she had romantic feelings toward.

As time went on this not only became the only manner in which she wished to wished to engage me in sexual contact, it became a demand upon which this contact became conditional upon. Reluctance brought huge quantities of psychological and emotional blackmail; refusal to participate brought verbal abuse insofar as being sexually repressed and inadequate. Explanations that the situation was emotionally unsatisfactory to me, as well as outright damaging, were ignored, or greeted with raging temper tantrums and accusations that I was an emotionally selfish partner.

I can immediately see how there may or may not be some debate as to whether or not this was some form of psychological suggestion, and the entities in question having existed at all; under the aforementioned circumstances it's easy to see how such a thing would be up for serious skeptical examination. I'm still in the process of seriously examining those elements. Confronting these aspects of the "relationship" at all is a source of great emotional pain and self-recrimination.

It's very difficult to accurately put into words and express the position of being in a relationship with someone who makes the linchpin of your interaction conditional upon their gratification only, with no regard for that of their partner, and how one can be reduced to such an emotionally debilitated state that one accepts such a position. "Mad" was never hesitant to push an emotional "button" if it could gratify her whims, and no form of emotional cruelty or violation of personal confidence was taboo as far as she was concerned. She would make a point of presenting herself as a safe confidant for one's most personal issues, and then skillfully use those issues, fears, and insecurities when I did not perform as she desired. Others were frequent victims of this treatment as well, and she had a certain nefarious skill at such manipulations.

The relevant points in this is her being ready and willing to engage in emotional blackmail and psychological abuse for her own gratification, and her callousness to the damage such demands caused.

It also occurs to me now upon writing this that these actions seem to be a gussied-up extension of her addiction to 'scening'--also without sensitivity to my emotional and physical needs--in our previous relationship as well.

(ARGH FUCK HOW do I explain this and how this happened in any way that fucking makes sense to a reader without coming across as stupid as a turnip.

Over time it broadened out to that being the only method of sexual contact she wished to engage in, either that or group sex, which I did not want to do, but was emotionally blackmailed into over time. Again I don't know how to explain this and not sound like a fucking idiot to a reader, or maybe I was a fucking idiot although I'm told by others now that I was not, I was a victim of emotional abuse. It's also BTW horribly painful to discuss how someone can make you feel like you don't love them because you don't want to channel spirits for them to fuck so you do it. *sigh* I will obviously have to go over this later.)

Though she continued to insist that she was financially destitute (and proclaimed loudly that this was due to the miserliness and neglect of her ex-husband's financial obligations toward herself and the children), she continued to insist upon purchasing random trinkets, statuary, and extensive and expensive tattooing for herself on a regular basis. Much of the time this was mooched off of her financially solvent friends, lovers, and acquaintances with the usual stipulations; even when the insistence was that it was vital for *another person*, she often insisted that she become the physical caretaker of these items of jewelry, reproduction weapons, statuary, etc.. "for safe keeping". Often the excuse that the "spirits told her so" was employed. It seemed no coincidence that these objects were almost exclusively items that she had taken a fancy to.

An increased importance of "Astral True Forms" was incorporated into the group 'belief system' as "Mad", coincidentally, became more and more enamored of the "Otherkin" and "Furry/Therian" belief systems. I was initially very open to these concepts, again due to my own independent beliefs which had always had an "Otherkin" component though I had not encountered the terminology at the time.

"Mad" insisted upon seeing "Animistic" transformations of people's "Astral Bodies" as she saw fit; even for those who already accepted, or were open to, the belief in an "Inhuman Soul", her perceptions often conflicted. Random and frequently inexplicable 'transformations' of the "Astral Bodies" of various members of the group (and often the 'incorporeal' seemingly at her whim) ran rampant, oddly concurrent with her continuing fascination with Anthromorphs.

Conversely, spiritual developments that were personally perceived were only acknowledged or given importance if she saw fit, or saw a way to incorporate them into her constructed view. When her tastes took a turn toward Angelic and Celestial mythology and imagery, these "Visions" often acquired an "Angelic" component. (It was at the height of these obsessions that she insisted that she had transformed herself into a "Kitsune" (Jap.--"Fox Spirit", roughly) with Angelic wings due to her previous 'heritage').

These rapid changes and inconsistencies became more and more suspect by many within the group whose increasing skepticism and distance was directly proportionate to her making less and less sense and her claims becoming positively haphazard. There were frequent discussions amongst other members regarding how many of her insistences came off as inconsistent and even false, but the group dynamic engendered highly discouraged any direct confrontation of these problems. The questioning and examination went on quietly behind the scenes.

Continued obsession with "Furry Fandom" led to her even further neglect of her housekeeping and child-rearing duties; I often observed her to spend hours in front of the computer, involved in various "Furry" and "Otherkin" lists, newsgroups, MUCKs and MUSHes, etc. while basic housekeeping and childcare chores languished. If she had guests over from these various and sundry groups they were consistently prevailed upon to provide child care; guests changed diapers, fed the children, and babysat in general while "Mad" ignored them for hours as she chatted on line or quested for various and sundry articles of 'metaphysical importance' in on line auctions.

Often those whom she had just met, or barely knew, were entrusted with the care of her children while she got manicures or shopped for trinkets or clothes for herself (I know of at least two reliable people who can attest to this.) The condition that the younger child, often left in dirty diapers for hours at a time, seemed to me, frankly, shameful, all too often. Reports from pediatricians that the children were underweight were laughed off; concerns expressed by school officials and social workers were vehemently denied and greeted with characteristic venom.

The additional dissonance of her frequent public disparagement of and vehemence against Internet addicts and fandom-related activities (ex., excessive RPGing while neglecting basic responsibilities) did not go unnoticed either. It seemed an elaborate structure of denial and disassociation from her own activities. It followed a definite pattern; if anyone became interested in a subject that she took a shine to, she insisted repeatedly her disdain of such things; then, later on, would make the announcement that she had 'been forced by circumstance' to embrace such activities (this was done with metaphysical practices as well) and then threw herself into them full force, often to the exclusion of moderation or sense, and frequently mirroring the activities of the person who she had originally gleaned the information from, with the firm assertion that these things were for 'a greater purpose' and therefore to be held in higher regard.

The amount of time that the group and its various machinations, as well as the renewed relationship with "Mad" which had quickly returned to its previous dynamics of emotional blackmail, abuse, and manipulation began to take its toll on my marriage, as well as the relationships of others within the group. It also became at many turns a sizable financial sinkhole, and though many of us could not be considered poor--we were gainfully employed and doing okay--we could not be considered to have an infinite amount of randomly disposable income that could be monopolized by "Mad's" insistence upon handouts and various expensive 'outings' at her whim in the guise of spirituality.

I and others began an in-depth analysis of what was exactly bullshit and what was threads of individual spiritual experiences and development incorporated into the bullshit. By this time it had become confused enough to be hard to tell, even by those who had deliberately maintained a jaundiced eye and a certain distance. "Mad's" policy of telling everyone slightly altered versions of various stories, and then doing her best to ensure that no one compared notes through various means, had come in handy for her here, but close and concentrated examination brought up many unsavory questions.

One of the many results of this investigation was the discovery of the various and sundry 'puppet' accounts that "Mad" and Mr. Frater used to run the group while publicly maintaining that their 'positions' were secondary and without actual power. (I'll return to this part of the story somewhat later.) The primary source of that investigation was Roger Wilber and David Zoll, both of whom I understand are preparing their own accounts of their longtime interactions with "Mad" and her group. They are both employed in the computer/IT sector and the investigation and subsequent debunking of the suspect email accounts and attached on line 'identities' were well within their area of expertise.

(It should also be noted, though it will doubtlessly be denied by "Mad", that she pursued Mr. Zoll to varying degrees over a period of years--sometimes regaling him with extremely explicit accounts of her sexual fantasies regarding him (she did this at least once within earshot of me)--for which she received from him an extremely negative response. Not surprisingly, the circle of friends that Mr. Zoll and Mr. Wilber belonged to quickly fell out of favor.)

The sequence of events that preceded my walking away was initiated by my meeting Shalimar, who was initially introduced to me by "Mad"; they had come into contact through an on line discussion group. "Mad" had been in her "Eastern Paths" mirroring phase, and initially took notice of Shalimar through her expression of same. "Mad" brought me and my studies up in conversation and Shalimar expressed a desire to meet me; "Mad" obliged, inviting her to one of her regular gathers after she and I corresponded on line for a short time. "Mad" constantly combed e-lists for people to invite to her 'gathers'; as this was when the group was on a serious downswing, "Mad" almost always claimed that these 'gathers' would be attended by forty or fifty people, only to have the same seven to ten people show. This group would prove to be one of the larger ones in that context as Shalimar brought her fiance as well as a few of her own friends.

In many respects I think it would be safe to say that "Mad" must deeply regret ever introducing me to Shalimar and her circle of friends in light of the results. Due to this Shalimar has also been the recipient of the group's standard "poison pen" campaign, though to a somewhat lesser degree.

There was an unusual amount of resonance between myself and Shalimar, including many very strong spiritual commonalities (we had views and experiences in common that could at best be considered personalized and/or very obscure). We connected quickly and solidly; she became a very supportive friend. It did not take her long to notice how much distress I was in, as well as the general stress within the group.

It was not hard to notice that "Mad", though outwardly very solicitous toward her, was almost immediately threatened by the amount of closeness we developed, especially as my participation with the group had already been diminishing. She blatantly and repeatedly attempted to insert herself between us, while attempting to gain control over the situation in very familiar fashion--to claim 'special knowledge' of Shalimar's spiritual past and to possess special abilities and knowledge to aid her further.

Shalimar, though polite, was wary of her and the behaviors she noticed within the group. ("Mad" quickly made sexual overtures toward a girl that Shalimar was dating, as well as toward her longtime fiance (Shalimar is also polyamourous)), as well as Mad's claims (she was one of the people that she made claims of 'infallible clairvoyance' to). Though, due to her growing connection to me, "Mad" and others made hearty efforts toward inveigling themselves into both her spiritual and mundane life, Shalimar consistently maintained a careful distance, and after a time made her concerns about what she considered extremely questionable actions, claims, group dynamics, and the effect it was having on me, known. She quickly found kindred spirits in those who were in the process of subjecting the entire group experience to careful examination.

In these situations, it is very helpful to have a sane and sober outside voice to point out and give clarity to the anomalies that, through saturation, might appear to be normal and commonplace, however harmful and bizarre they might be. In this case, Shalimar and her friends, whom were also observing the antics of the "Tabris" group with a concerned and jaundiced eye, were invaluable in providing that much-needed objectivity. She, and they, did so regularly, and provided a much-needed perspective for me and those in the process of examination. They helped educate me on the breadth and extent of the interpersonal emotional abuse that was taking place. Some examples of this include:

--"Mad's" constant insistence that none of her "poly partners" *ever* discuss her behaviors amongst themselves when she was not present, etc.

--Males in the group were compelled to function in a 'castrated' personality dynamic, only good for defending (specifically her) and having sex with; otherwise treated as stupid and sloppy two-dimensional male stereotypes;

---Consistent and deliberate attempts at humiliation of me specifically, public and private, when I fought to resist these roles that I was cast in;

--Consistent situations where all present were immediately compelled to play a game of "Badmouth The Latest Oppressor", usually one of her public critics, and moderate or opposing positions being summarily quashed by group opinion;

(there needs to be a lot more here that I need to consult Shal on.). She and they also provided genuine emotional support and advice, which, with the exception of Jayme, Mr's. Zoll and Wilber (whom "Mad" made constant efforts to alienate and isolate me from) was near to nonexistent in the "Tabris" group.

When the kinship with Shalimar evolved into a relationship "Mad's" behavior became what could only be described as frantic to regain control over the situation. She capped a long string of tantrums (several of which during she was verbally abusive to Shalimar without provocation), emotional blackmail and manipulation with the firm insistence that Shalimar and I should not become involved unless she was permitted to be part of the "dating structure"--in effect insisting that she have sexual contact with her if I did--at which Shalimar flatly and bluntly balked. Shalimar's girlfriend also rebuffed her attentions, as her observations of the situation were equally concerned and wary.

From then on in, "Mad" no longer behaved in a solicitous and welcoming fashion toward Shalimar and her friends, becoming openly sullen, hostile, and extremely passive-aggressive. She insisted repeatedly that she "was being abandoned for a younger woman" (Shalimar is indeed younger than she, though that had no bearing on the situation) and made every attempt she could to either control, 'tag along', or otherwise interfere with any time I spent with Shalimar and/or her circle of friends. As she already almost completely tyrannized the social time of many within the group, pressure continued to build at a nearly exponential rate.

"Mad's" pattern of calling my job repeatedly and at odd times to demand confrontation over various and sundry irrelevant matters also reared its head again; I solved this by refusing to take her calls at work. She then took to calling me repeatedly at home at odd hours of the dead of night and morning, also to discuss largely irrelevant 'crisis issues' in the "astral world" or to complain that she was not being paid attention to. If I, or my husband, complained about this, she degenerated into shouting and further verbal abuse. Voice-mail eventually solved this problem to some degree, and we began screening our calls. This continued despite all demands to cease until I left the group.

Additionally the "metaphysical" aspects and 'operations' of "Tabris" began to develop even more bizarre, narcissistic, and inconsistent qualities; "Mad" announced that various "spiritual powers"--patron deities and totemic beings of various members--were "retracting patronage'' from those who had fallen out of favor in her eyes, and (predictably) redirecting these favors and protections to her and/or Jon and Lara. She insisted that Spirit Guides were being destroyed and massacred, sometimes by the hundreds, in 'astral conflicts' which the members in question that these statements were directed at were neither affected by in any way, nor perceived; she additionally claimed that many of these Spirit Guides inexplicably began to 'defect' from their original guardian-ships and agree with "Mad's" versions of events, almost always with no real explanation. This was regarded as complete balderdash, and was either hotly argued against or completely disregarded by those named; on several occasions she was forced to back down and/or conveniently 'revise' her 'infallible visions' of these alleged events when several people had actual objective (or as objective as one can acquire in ephemeral matters) evidence that these 'massacres', 'removals of power', and 'defections' had not occurred and had in fact been entirely fabricated on her and Jon's part. Communication in the group came to an almost complete standstill.

The actual separation of myself and others from the "Tabris" group--all told a mass exodus of no less than 8-10 people, reducing the 'visible membership' (one must keep in mind the allegations of vast numbers of members from "around the world and the country" whom people only had contact with electronically, the bulk of which were later proven to be frauds and fabrications) was largely caused by an incident that took place between my husband, Jayme, and "Mad" at the Wilber family's yearly Halloween party. Mr Wilber was already pretty incensed at the events at which he witnessed "Mad" repeatedly engaging in emotionally abusive acts against several of the guests (including blatant sexual overtures toward a married man, whose wife took understandable and vocal exception to her behavior). Jayme, Shalimar, and myself were the specific targets of this behavior.

In addition to the building skepticism toward the integrity and veracity of the "Tabris" group, there had already been enormous amounts of tension between "Mad" and Mr's. Zoll and Wilber's circle of friends due to their polite but firm refusal to exclude Jayme, Shalimar, and others that "Mad" disapproved of at whim from their own private gatherings. ("Mad" had been up to her usual "poison pen"-style campaigns again, this time alleging to several members of that group that Jayme was both physically and sexually abusive toward me, and that Shalimar had been deliberately making attempts to exclude her from my life and 'edge her out'.)

At the party itself, "Mad" exacerbated what was already a tense situation by insisting that a "metaphysical emergency" had broken out and had aborted what was supposed to be a social event in favor of her favorite brands of histrionics under the guise of 'ritual'. Needless to say this had gone over like the proverbial lead balloon with Mr. Wilber's spouse, amongst many others who had had more than enough.

She capped a lengthy (as one could imagine) weekend of thinly-veiled verbal abuse and inappropriate behaviors toward several guests (including the blatant flirting with a married man in front of his spouse) with deliberately causing a loud argument in a restaurant at breakfast the following morning in front of about eight or nine of the guests. The argument started when Jayme, who had to that point observed her erratic behavior in silence, attempted one final time to reason with her and asked her to step outside to speak to him privately about the matter.

Mad immediately began shrieking loudly that she was being 'physically threatened' by Jayme, and then loosed a loud string of racial slurs at him. (Mr. Zoll, Mr. Wilber, and his wife and daughter were amongst those who witnessed this. They confirm that no threats or implications of physical violence ever came from Jayme.)

When I went to the restroom to escape further foolishness, Jayme came looking for me to see if I was all right (I guess I must have looked pretty distraught at the time). He was also understandably at his wit's end with "Mad's" behavior and was livid at her fabrications and verbal abuse (most present by that point were as well). He was at a loss as to what, if anything, could be done to remedy the situation. "Mad" followed this up by insisting that she be allowed to enter the restroom while we were talking, and got the door slammed in her face by a Jayme bereft of further patience with her lunacy; this is the incident that she likes to refer to as 'domestic abuse'. (The fact that this insults and trivializes actual victims of real domestic abuse, or that false accusations of same are in fact illegal, not surprisingly, seems not to deter her in this insistence.)

The conflagration that followed involved various and sundry empty threats and demands that I leave Jayme over this instance of 'domestic violence', specifically for her, and place her in a 'primary spousal position', which of course was not acceptable and not about to happen; anyone who even attempted to maintain a neutral position in regards to the incident were branded 'supporters of domestic abuse' and vilified violently by herself, Jon, and Lara. The majority of those present did *not* take a neutral stand as they had witnessed "Mad's" consistent and deliberate attempts the entire weekend to engender conflict, and the scores of blatantly false accusations that she was casting about.

"Mad" and Jon insisted that 'sanctions' be taken against anyone who did not agree with their account of the events, or else expulsion from the "Tabris" group would be the decision by the "Trio" in charge. Amusingly enough this was when it was learned that the "Trio" had "veto power" over all within the group, though this had never been heard of before. When Mr.'s Wilber, Zoll, and myself requested that there be face-to-face discussion over such a matter, the request was met by abject hostility, accusations of 'treason', and ultimatums.

It was the refusal by any of the "Trio" to meet with any of those involved in the argument in person, or even to speak to them on the telephone, which aroused an unavoidable amount of suspicion on Mr. Wilber and Mr. Zoll's part, and they began to make earnest and concentrated efforts to track these alleged "leaders" down.

Ultimately their investigations through examination of email headers and IP addresses (the "trio" insisted, as a unit, that they had no method of communication other than email) that each of the 'addresses' alleged to belong to the 'trio'--each of which were commonly claimed to come from very diverse locations (one from upstate NY and one from California--technical details of this will likely be provided by Mr. Zoll's upcoming testimony) were in fact originating from "Mad's" IP address in Queens, NYC. Inquiries to the IBM company, who "Mad" and Jon had alleged one of them worked for, not only turned up no one by that name, but no one fitting that description, at any time being employed by them. This was further exacerbated by the fact that Mr. Zoll *resided* in the same city as they alleged this individual worked and lived in. Mr Zoll's patient insistence that he and "Giles Charrington" meet in person was met by lame excuse after lame excuse and then finally by hysterical accusations.

At this time a good deal of "Mad's" history of harassment and fraud on various pagan Usenet groups, as well as her direct harassment of Mr. Filan, Mr. Low, Mambo Racine, and several others, began to come to light as well, as well as her attempts to solicit 'fees' for her services. The amount of information was, frankly, staggering, when compiled. (It presently amounts to more than a thousand pages of material on file at last count and the compilation is not yet complete.)

Needless to say, the situation became decisively explosive and confrontational when Mr. Zoll, Mr. Wilber, myself, and others directly confronted "Mad" and Jon with this not inconsiderable body of evidence that they had been consistently and deliberately lying and defrauding them, not only of time and resources, but frequently of money.

In addition to the many and regular handouts that "Mad" solicited due to her alleged 'destitution', Mr.'s Wilber and Zoll had laid out half the money for the 'Tabris' server and domain name, as well as for the bandwidth it used, due to the insistence that the server was essential to maintain "proper security". The irony of the immediate formation of the "TabrisBList" on Yahoo Groups--possibly one of the *least* secure hosts one could utilize--is, I believe, not only relevant to the constant misrepresentations that they regularly engage in, as well as being a testimony to a basic lack of common sense that they continue to display. The other 'half' of this server was purchased back from Mr. Frater--possibly the only smooth and honest monetary transaction that went on during that time--and is now the YBTen server.

The response could only be described as an eruption of hysterics and accusations of betrayal, in addition to veiled and not-so-veiled threats that came in rapid fire toward Mr's Wilber and Zoll, as well as myself and Shalimar. (One of "Mad's" many sock-puppet accounts made several veiled threats toward Shalimar until a mutual friend, a police officer, warned "him" off.) It should be noted here that the "Holy Trio" never once came forward to either defend, debate, or discuss any of this evidence or material, and "Mad" and Jon consistently insisted that they would only communicate through them.

Mad also on at least one occasion actually claimed to have been the "new head of Clan Youngblood" (The title of the group that Mr.'s Wilber, Zoll, and several others were under) and to have deposed Mr. Wilber, to other members of his group. This was met with, frank hilarity on their part.

Having had this enormous amount of lying, fraud, personal betrayal, and outright lunatic behavior compiled before me with its attendant hard evidence, and utterly stunned by the extent and breadth of it, I both took abrupt leave of Tabris (as did Mr. Zoll, Mr. Wilber, and several others) and ended my 'relationship' with "Mad". The married couple that "Mad" had been involved with (and also defrauding) subsequently did their own independent investigation at my behest (I became extremely concerned for their safety as they had young children) and came up with the same results; they additionally discovered that many of "Mad's" alleged lovers were in fact her myriad "Spirit Guides" that she had been passing off to them as corporeal beings. They also bailed out summarily when no plausible or honest explanation for the glaring discrepancies and lies in her claims was forthcoming. ("Mad" and Jon continue this tradition of 'padding their rosters' with various forged electronic identities based on their "Spirit Guides" to this day; they have a noticeable, though much less numerous array of 'sock puppet' accounts on Livejournal these days.)

(Comparing notes later, I and the woman have confirmed that "Mad" engaged in the same confidence- and emotional-manipulation-style games with them that she had in the group, including a liberal amount of emotional abuse. She had to be threatened with extensive public exposure and possible legal repercussions in order to get her to cease harassing them. )

--Four years later, "Mad" and Jon have kept up their various and sundry (by and large sophomoric, but occasionally taking trips into the more seriously obsessed and disturbed territory) "poison pen" antics against those who left the "Tabris" group; the fairly consistent claim that her refusal of their sexual advances has initiated this behavior is one of the more common (and laughable) ones (all nine of us?), especially in light of her blatant and confirmable actions toward many.

--Her false allegations toward Mr. Filan and Mr. Low are brought up from time to time to support this, but an extensive body of her fraudulent activities is readily available to anyone who can enter keywords on a "Google" search of the Usenet groups; "oyapomba", "", "Gris-Gris Lady" are good starts.

-- She has frequently and regularly violated the TOS of several on-line providers by attempting to engage in character assassination campaigns against those who have left the group and/or continue to publicly criticize her and bring her wealth of fraud and harassment to light; she has been banned or strictly moderated on more than ten of them on Yahoo Groups alone for these actions, as well as spates of petty harassment, sophomoric insults and hate mail as her very erratic moods strike her.

--She has reinvented herself under at least two names since the exposure and effective demise of the Tabris group, now going by the name "Lulu White" or, for a short time, "Lulu White Frater"--which speaks volumes about the involvement of Mr. Frater and his unfortunate wife. (It should not be missed that "Mad" was fond of attaching the name "Ten" (the name of my group) to her name as well before we left. She often publicly styled herself as my spouse when the mood struck her.)

--"Mad" and Jon have gone so far as to track down my present address and send falsified and barritous legal threats to my home as recently as a few months ago. How that squares with "Mad's" regular claims that she has no interest in my life or the details thereof is questionable at best. She regularly engages in 'mirroring'--accusing those who bring her activities to light of the exact same behavior, manufacturing complete (and often easily exposed) fiction in those regards. When that fails, she resorts to her frequent "Poison Pen" campaigns, publicly revealing/distorting/manufacturing details of her detractor's lives that she thinks will be hurtful, harmful, or embarrassing to them. Mr. Frater, as always, supports and encourages this behavior, often joining in with similar ineffectiveness.

I'm not here to try and "psychoanalyze" "Mad", Jon and Lara, or any of their current cohorts--I openly admit to being baffled by what could motivate their harmful and hateful behaviors.

I'm not a professional by any means, and, though subsequent to my association with them I have done a fair bit of research on the subject of the dynamics of harmful cults and groups, as well as on sociopathy and psychopathy for my own personal understanding of the situations that I was in, any analysis and/or diagnosis of what ails them would amount to educated speculation.

I also readily admit to not being able to fully understand on a personal level what kind of psychological problems could compel people to engage in long years of lying, fraud, confidence games, and wanton interpersonal and psychological abuse of those who are and were unfortunate enough to try to call them colleagues, friends, and lovers. While some of their possible motives have been explained to me by many who are far better educated in these areas, I've found there is, as with many things, a verifiable difference between intellectual understanding and emotional comprehension.

I don't present these experiences as a defense of my actions when I was with the group. In fact, it is to my great shame, as I have stated before during the course of these documents, that I too engaged in many of the hateful, deceptive, abusive behaviors that they did. It's been explained to me that such a phenomenon is common and even to be expected; in many ways that is not good enough, and it's certainly in my mind not good enough insofar as being responsible for any harm that I have caused through those actions. I'm not certain what the extent of that harm is. I only know that it definitely exists.

It's only through continuing personal growth and vigilant self-accountability that I can guarantee to myself, or anyone else, that I could and would not engage in these behaviors again. I consider the presentation of these events as I and others experienced them to be an essential part of my own healing process. I also present them as part of a data set detailing the activities of an extremely harmful, deceptive, and amoral person and those who assist her in continuing that harm.

She, and they, present to the unwary and frequently well-meaning a compelling opportunity for both personal spiritual growth and quantifiable ability to make a positive dent in a very fearsome world; a sense of belonging to the lonely, damaged, and alienated; to have answers for extremely difficult metaphysical questions that they neither possess nor ultimately care about.

They present themselves to the unwary as devout practitioners and learned authorities on numerous spiritual paths and religions that they often have less than a layman's knowledge of, supplement these skeletons of knowledge with piecemeal fantasies gleaned from pop culture and their own questionable imaginations that are intriguing and compelling, and deliberately present this mishmash as 'fact.' They claim to have initiations and credentials in these areas that they do not possess. They engage in outright lying, casual cultural misappropriation, and blatant disrespect to those traditions in those regards.

Like many other things that they utilize, these traditions and paths which are sacred to others are exploited and ultimately discarded when no longer useful or fashionable. They present an acceptable set of ethics as a public face and engage in elaborate justifications for unethical behaviors behind the scenes, impressing upon the defrauded and using the "importance of their work" as excuses for this.

When confronted with their ignorance and fabrications by those who engage in these practices sincerely or possess the credentials that they falsify, they will resort to character assassination, elaborate hate campaigns and fictions of persecution in retaliation. They are not adverse to threats of harm both physical and metaphysical to those who expose them, or inciting others to do these harms.

They deliberately, premeditatedly, and blithely exploit the needs and vulnerabilities in people, as well as deliberately manipulate the compassionate instincts of many for their own ends both material, and emotional, in what is a completely dishonest and destructive bid for self-importance and self-validation. They are willing to acquire that self-validation at the expense of anyone who either opposes their views or wishes to leave the hateful dynamic that they create when their lack of education, ethics, and credentials are ultimately revealed. They are willing to resort to the basest of behaviors to be able to continue to engage in these parasitic activities.

They actively prey upon each other, as well as those outside their circle, in a cycle that is mutually destructive on multiple levels. Their need for validation of their self-deceptions and personal fantasies is constant and sizable. I believe it is safe to say that these needs function very similarly to an addiction.

They have done deliberate and quantifiable personal and psychological harm to myself and many others--many of which have, or are in the process of compiling, similar testimony-in the pursuit of this gratification, and continue to do so. They actively troll for those they know are susceptible to their rap in numerous alternative lifestyle communities, ranging from Neopaganism to Fandom to alternative sexuality, and attempt to draw in, exploit, control, and victimize those who are vulnerable.

There is in my mind absolutely no indication whatsoever that they will stop doing this for any reason as this has gone on for over a decade and a half. I have already made the mistake of trying to give them that benefit of the doubt and have paid for it, in many ways, some of which even now I'm not really able to begin discussing yet.

In fact, there is a large body of evidence to suggest that, as they travel farther down their spiral, that they have been becoming, and will become, worse.

The experiences I present here I believe more than support the position that Rebecca/Madison Lyon/Lulu White, Jon & Lara, and whatever members remain of the "Tabris" group are effectively bunko artists that not only actively and deliberately defraud and harm others, but are irreparably damaging to the reputations of the subcultures, religion/spiritualities, and lifestyles they claim to represent while exploiting. They should be exposed and ultimately avoided.

Thank you for listening.