From:     
                  Michael A Porter,maporter@uoguelph.ca,Internet
  Subject:        On Being A Good Cultist:


1.  Pick one faith and stick with it. Dilettanism is the mark of the
    amateur.

2.  Avoid needless embarrassment. Practice the correct pronounciation
    of your gods name in the privacy of your room before chanting it
    in public. Flash cards are often helpful.

3.  Never invoke anything bigger then your head.

4.  Avoid all cabbalistic jewelery over 10 pounds in weight. you're just 
    asking for trouble.

5.  Citronella candles may not be used in rituals. I cannot stress this
    enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are
    like beacons to the Dark Lords.

6.  Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife,
    thugee knife, service revolver, garlic, cabfare, condoms, change

7.  Never be a cultist that goes to rough up the investigators. Ransacking
    hotel rooms is probably safe but going round to beat up the good guys
    is a definite no-no.

8.  When Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the cult leader. enraged
    daemons always go for the pompous.

9.  Don't gloat.

10. If you do gloat, never reveal your plans.

11. If you gloat and reveal your plans, never leave the investigators to
    die slowly. They don't.

12. If you do gloat, reveal your plans and leave the investigators to die
    slowly don't have the audacity to look surprised when they show up to
    foil you.

13. Investigators always arrive at the last moment to foil you. Start a 
    half hour early. They hate that.

14. Select ceremonial robes that are easy to run in while still affording
    ample concealment.

15. When a religious artifact begins emitting light, close your eyes.

16. When mutilating cattle, avoid the ones with the testicles.

17. During ritual sacrifice, taking bits home "for later" is now considered
    bad form.

18. Blood tests are now required of all sacrificial victims before the 
    ritual. The effects of HIV+ offerings on the average malefic deity
    have never been witnessed by anyone living or even intact.

19. Contrary to historic belief, drugs and invocations do not mix. When
    the shit comes down it is vitally necessary to be able to discern
    between the gibbering monstrosity to throw holy water at, and the 
    gibbering monstrosity that will go away after a few hours, some 
    B-complex and a hot bath.

20. Never play strip tarot.

21. Piety and belief are powerful things and few forces in nature can
    stand against one who is true to his faith and his soul. However, it
    is also true that gods are on the side of the heaviest artillery so be
    prepared to change sides at the drop of a hat.

22. For those situations where a fresh living sacrifice is just not feasible
    or possible, the lower ranks of daemons can be fooled by microwaving a
    previously frozen chunk of ex-victim and cleverly jiggling it. A mock
    victim sculpted of spam is right out.

25. Avoid stenciling True Names on underwear and personal effects

26. Looking at nifty pictures is not a valid path to mastering the
    ancient grimoires. Please read thoroughly and carefully from
    beginning to end so that your madness and gibberings will make
    some sense.

27. A good grasp of ritual and ritual techniques are essential.
    In the event of a random impaling (see rule 28) or other 
    accidental death amongst the participants a quick thinker can
    improvise to ensure successful completion. Make them another
    sacrifice. Demons like those.

28. Watch where you wave the sharp pointy bits.

29. Avoid walking through disembodied spirits.

30. Carry an all purpose translators dictionary in case the ritual leader
    begins talking in some strange and unknown foreign language.

31. Avoid joining your life force to anything with glowing red eyes.

32. If asked to sign a contract or pact and you are experiencing doubts
    or reservations, sign your neighbours name. Malevolent entities
    rarely check for proper spelling.

33. Blood IS thicker than water. Soak ritual garments an extra 30-45
    minutes.

34. While drunken weaving may be mistaken for ecstatic dancing, slurring
    the names of the Dark Lords is generally considered bad form.

35. If the ritual leader should ask for a volunteer, resist the urge to 
    raise your hand. While volunteering will likely gain you stature and
    prestige amongst the group allowing you to advance quickly through 
    the ranks, it is equally likely to get you strapped to a table and
    eaten alive by a drooling demonic horde.

mike.  
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   *  "Don't you see" he said. "You are the God of your own religion." *
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